so low i could listen to country music.

So because i have no one around to properly rant to, i am going to get a few things off of my chest about the last couple days. The four of us went on an English speaking overnight seminar with a class from Takii (all girls) high school. It, in itself, was a lot of fun. The girls were hysterically funny, and sweet, and quite good at English, all things considering, and it was nice to be on the other side of the language gap, for a change. I will hopefully give you all a full run-down of the nice events of the last two days later. But my bath is waiting, so it is rant and go.

Julie has this way of making me feel really small. Huge in the literal sense, and small like unimportant. She has this tone she uses that makes me want to hit her, and she doesnt care about saying things that are cow-y. On the bus we all took to Lake Biwa, we four were assigned seats - two near the front, two near the back. Having just had a run in with major car sickness, i sat in the front, and julie sat with me. We had the nicest girl sitting next to us, named Rena, who i adored. Now, julie has already made several discouraging comments about my wardrobe and the like, and in small doses it doesnt bother me, but lately she has been doing it alot. So Rena asks us if we like Japanese fashion, and I tell her the truth, that i totally love it. Julie uses her bitch tone, and snaps "Well you dont dress like it!!" (This doesnt read as terrible as it was, but imagine punch to the gut, ok?) So i smacked her on the leg, and asked what kind of thing that was to say to someone, and she replied by grabbing my arm and saying "its true! just look at your watch!" (as i flashback to jeremy and jayson telling me how un-feminine it is) And this was all first thing in the morning. She spent the rest of the day in pretty much the same manner. She made fun of me for being the kind of person in high school who always followed the teachers instructions. She answered Rena`s question of -do we like to party, with "oh, I do, but andrea doesnt! " When i said that i did she laughed at me, the cow. Just because my idea of a good time is not getting drunk in her tiny-ass apartment. Lets see.. this morning she clubbed me in the back of the knee, hard, and got pissed off when i kicked her because it hurt. Oh yes, we shared a room (joy), and while we were talking i mentioned that i hated how in my homestay rom, i have to keep all my clothes in drawers, because everything wrinkles, and you cant see everything properly to choose clothes in the morning. And she snorted and said something like -- because all your clothes are so different! 'Oooo.. should i wear shakespeare this morning? Or...hahaha I cant even remember any of the others!'

And this is just the stuff i remember off the top of my head. God i wanted to smack her. The worst part of the whole thing is that i cant get away from her, and i basically have to just take it, because like it or not, i am stuck with her for a year. If i tell her to fuck off she will only get worse, and if there is some big problem, i will just never get to hang out with Scott, and much less with Alex, and be stuck with pretty much no english friends, which would suck, although today i am certainly considering the option.

Japan already makes me feel like a bull in a china shop, femininity wise - I dont need fricking whore-cows to make it worse. Secondly, today everyone was talking about cars (yawn) and something struck home - it had been bothering me for a while, but i never really noticed before. The other three english speakers never need to think about money. Alex was saying "Oh yeah, when i was driving my mothers bmw around europe.. blah blah blah" and Scott starts talking about his parents Jag, and then on the bus Julie mentions to Rena how her parents are paying for her exchange... Now, my parents normally pay tuition, and are paying a hefty amount of the general exchange type expenses, but not all of them, and everything im going to live off of over the next year is coming out of my savings. Ive been worrying about it a little, because the first two months have been more expensive than I thought they would be, and it makes me so frustrated to think that i am the only person who really needs to think about how much i spend. Normally this kind of thing wouldnt bother me, but after working so hard for this, it makes me grumpy. Plus it just adds to the feeling of poor small-town hick girl that julie keeps mashing down my throat.

Add on top of all of this that I have no one here i can really talk to. Alex is great, but i cant really open up to him. And i can hardly translate into Japanese how crappy i feel about the whole thing. I thought about talking to Hiroe, but so far our conversations have been pretty normal, and i think the inevitable tears would panic her.

Walking home from the station tonight i cried for the first time since i got here. Its not even really homesickness--- although i miss you guys like crazy, especially Jen, because i know she would find a way to make mincemeat out of Julie and still be lovable to everyone --- I just feel seriously deflated. Me! Later i will be in shock. I got home, and remembered how fantastic my Okaasan is - i felt a little better just being back, and talking with her. But i still feel like crap. I even considered calling Jen at 4 am to rant like a loon. I also got the sweetest email from my sister, later i will show you the contents. But that just made me cry too, from being homesick and wanting to be back where I can be me, and people get my jokes, and i can stand up for myself, etc etc.

Dont get me wrong, i LOVE japan. Its those damn foreigners I cant stand.